


The Quest For The Salvation of A Lost Soul

by Charley_is_Best_Plant



Category: TAZ G baby, The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, First things first buckaroos, Gen, No bird Leon here, Please keep in mind this was written pre-episode 12, Sewer time, We tried, everything is bad, ok moving on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:08:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23760595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charley_is_Best_Plant/pseuds/Charley_is_Best_Plant
Summary: Leon goes missing, and it’s up to the Thundermen (and pals) to figure out what’s going on!Featuring: The STOCK MARKET! EPIC WINS AND LOSSES. LOVE! MORE LOSS (no not the meme)! SEWER EXPLORATION! And CRAB!
Relationships: Bonus- throw in any ship YOU like, Buckminster Eden/Leon the Sidekick, But like... not a lot - Relationship, There really aren’t any, i mean... - Relationship, that’ll make the story even better :), there’s kinda a little bit of somethin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	The Quest For The Salvation of A Lost Soul

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Just Endeavoring To Get It Right](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23210419) by [Officially_The_Worst_Lobster_Ever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Officially_The_Worst_Lobster_Ever/pseuds/Officially_The_Worst_Lobster_Ever). 



> Yo it’s ur fave author-“editor” team at it again 🤡
> 
> We do reference Fantasy AirPods, a joke courtesy of Officially_The_Worst_Lobster_Ever! Check out their fic, “Just Endeavoring To Get It Right” if you want some real angst with Buck and Leon!

It was a beautiful day at the School For Heroism and Villainism, But Snippers was _not_ content.

After listening to Fitzroy complain about debt for at least 24 hours straight, Snippers realizes he has never considered his own debt.

He checks his bank account and suddenly learns he is in very deep debt.

Snippers searches google to learn how to get out of debt but he doesn’t trust any of these methods, especially not DOLPing. So he decides to do things the Snippers way.

He finds debt and fights it himself.

After destroying debt itself he teaches others how to find their own debt lurking in the corners of the world and how to fight them properly.

He does everything he can to stop Fitzroy from digging himself into worse debt

(We need as many characters as possible so everyone loves it)

Buck sits there and wonders if Leon would’ve known what debt is. Too bad he’s gone somewhere!

Argo eats a lime.

Argo is in debt because he buys too many limes.

Limes are his Latte Factor.

Rainer tells Fitzroy he needs to tackle his crippling debt, while Argo nods and eats a weird citrus fruit again.

Firbolg tells Argo that being in debt is bad

Argo says he’s rather have debt than scurvy

Buck is angsty because Leon isn’t around to explain debt to him.

We can even toss in Buck’s weird almost-rival Rolandus and have him make fun of him

(Buck is obviously conflicted about whether he loves Rolandus or Leon, so) Rainer has to smack him in order to bring him back to reality and tell him to learn about debt from Snippers.

Buck’s dad is like “Son you gotta stop burning everything. To teach you a lesson here’s a bill. The numbers are RED. Red is bad”

Buck: “But my hair is Red”

“I hate you son”

“I hate you more dad”

So after Buck debates true love with himself and his father says he hates him, Fitz decides to let Snippers do what he does best: financial advisor-y-ness

Yes! And Buck overhears this and thinks “debt. That’s what I have apparently” and just eavesdrops on the lesson

Buck doesn’t understand stocks and begins to think “What if debt doesn’t exist and my dad is just being terrible like always”

He then proceeds to light a match and pose to ignite a building. “Oh. Whoever will stop me from burning this building. *cough cough* Leon wherever you are you gotta come stop me!”

Leon never shows up and Buck burns the building. His father instantly appears with more red numbers.

Rainer is instantly disappointed in her friend. Rolandus shows up to scoff at him and leaves. Buck wonders what he could do to get rid of the red

Fitzroy wonders what his Latte Factor is. He suddenly realizes he has bought way too many capes, cloaks, and fake glasses in an attempt to look “cool.” Snippers reminds him to set a budget

But more importantly that they all PAY THEMSELVES FIRST and to MAKE IT AUTOMATIC.

Everyone’s like we don’t even have jobs. What are taxes?

Every time Fitz gets money from a mission he just throws it in a piggy bank.

That’s the real way to avoid taxes. Piggy banks. Jiu( the starring anime fairy kid or anime pig seen in several games such as Helix Horizon and often discussed by our lord and savior Alan in Helix Waltz)approves.

But Snippers tells Fitz he can’t just throw his money into a hole and expect to get more!!! He needs to invest or something.

That’s right! So Snippers tells Fitz about stocks, bonds, and mutual funds. Nobody understands anything.

So Snippers decides to make them accounts for the stock market game so they can learn to invest.

Buck wants to learn so he steals Fitz’s username and password and buys random stocks

So the teams are:

Fitz and Argo (and unknowingly Buck)

Firbolg and Rainer

Firbolg is great at accounting and Rainer has common sense so they’re doing amazing.

(Firbolg and Rainer are in first place and not even Fantasy corona affects them)

Fitz and Argo don’t know what’s happening and Argo is too busy enjoying limes to care. Snippers is disappointed in them.

Leon still can’t be found.

All the Garys are on a team.

As a collective hivemind, the garys are doing well. The Garys invested everything into Fantasy Apple once they came out with Garygoyle Gray Fantasy AirPods.****

Meanwhile Buck doesn’t understand what he’s doing and doesn’t realize that stocks can go down.

He sells when they’re low and buys when they’re high 📈📉)

“Wow. Expensive stock it’ll give me lots of money. Yay. It went down. That means they gave me the money it lost!”

Snippers is checking up on how his students are doing and notices that Fitz is investing in stuff that he knows Fitz isn’t capable of spelling. So he uses his crab hacking skills to trace the IP address and finds Buck investing in things. Snippers tells Fitz and Fitz is like “He’ll pay for this!”

Argo tries to eat two limes at once.

Firbolg attempts to explain the stock market to buck.

Argo stares up at the sky.

“All this debt. I won’t have enough money to fight scurvy”

He eats several limes.

Buck doesn’t understand anything because Leon isn’t the one saying it

Rainer urges Buck to pretend it’s Leon telling him all of this very important info.

It’s not working so the Firbolg has to go bald.

Bald Firbolg doesn’t work. But Buck thinks “Wait! If I stop the numbers from being red then Leon will come back.”

So he decides to ask Snippers directly to help him with his debt.

Meanwhile Firbolg is sad that he has no hair and Fitz is still angry.

Argo continues to eat limes. He is indifferent.

Buck goes to meet Snippers to find he’s arguing with Argo about the debt his lime obsession has caused.

Behind him is a MASSIVE pile of lime peels

Argo realizes he’s wasting 20% of his money on useless lime skin so he obviously has to start eating them whole.

Buck interrupts this intervention. 

“Snippers I need these numbers to stop being red to get Leon back!”

Snippers starts passionately explaining how to find and defeat debt but it’s all gargling to Buck. He asks Fitz to translate but he’s still mad that he sabotaged him from making fake millions in the stock market game.

Rainer tells Fitz to help him and Fitz is like “ugh fine” and completely lies about what Snippers said

Fitz: “Dude. It’s so easy to get out of debt. You gotta let the numbers get used to being red by wreaking more havoc. Why stop at burning buildings? Flood Argo’s boat or something”

Buck thanks Snippers and Fitz and goes on to destroy more things. Argo wishes he had a boat.

Buck’s dad appears and says he’s disappointed in him.

“Son I’ve been hiding Leon from you so you can learn how to behave without a babysitter. But now I see you’re just an idiot. So if you get yourself out of debt within 72 hours you’ll never see your pal Leon again!”

“I hate you dad! You’d kill him!”

“No. Just expel him from this school and have him sent to to some school far far away”

Buck makes a plan to save Leon.

So Buck is like “I’ll never get out of debt that fast so I gotta save Leon.'' 

But he knows he can’t do it all by himself so he asks Rainer to help him and she agrees. He also thinks him and Fitz are on good terms based on their last conversation but Fitz just laughs in his face and says “Why would I ever save a stupid dummy like him and lying thief like you!” 

Rainer says if he helps them he’ll never have to interact with either of them again and she’d switch stock market accounts with him. Firbolg just sheds a tear in the corner mentally saying goodbye to first place. He helps them too cause he’s nice. Argo is too busy with limes to notice anything around him anymore. He needs some help.

So Buck and pals arrive at his dad’s big exquisite mansion. Buck hates his dad so he tries to visit as little as possible so he knows nothing about the layout. 

Buck: “Alright guys. We gotta be careful.”

Fitz: “We know that already!”

Firbolg: “A mansion like things usually has top secret underground tunnels. Where are they Buck?”

Buck makes a confused face.

Rainer takes to the skies to trace if any pipelines lead to the house.

Rainer returns from her little flying/hovering journey. “Alright. I found a manhole that could lead to the basement of this house. It’s about two miles north of west (not to be confused with west of north or northwest)”

Fitz: “So we came ALL THEY WAY to this mansion just to WALK AWAY FROM IT!”

Rainer: “Yes”

Buck and Firbolg ignore Fitz’s little burst of rage and start walking north of west.

After walking to the manhole Fitz is complaining like a baby. Firbolg lifts the cover and jumps down. They all climb down but it’s too dark to see anything. Buck has a solution and lights a match. 

Fitz: “Dude! Don’t burn us”

Rainer: “He’s doing this so we can see dummy”

Buck: “My arson habits have finally come in handy”

They all walk down the corridor.

As they walk down the corridor they reach a giant vault. Fitz just uses his tides of chaos spell to destroy it and when they climb up they see that they’re not in the mansion. They’re in Leon’s room. 

Firbolg: “Looks like we went the wrong way”

Fitz: “But we went in a straight line! Which other way could we’ve gone?”

They go back down into the sewers.

Rainer: “The water! We have to swim down and find another path there.”

Fitz: “But it’s all gross and smelly”

Buck, having lost all common sense, dives down into the sewage water but starts drowning. Firbolg nonchalantly saves him. 

Firbolg: “None of us will be able to see… if we are drowned. We need an… expert”

So they climb back into Leon’s room and go find Argo. He’s still eating limes. They need to find a way to break him out of this daze.

“ARGO ARGO ARGO!”

Fitzroy begs him to stop and promises to cast an anti-scurvy spell on him.

After hearing anti-scurvy he stops and turns around. 

“Really!” 

Fitz casts a fake anti-scurvy spell. They all return to the sewers where Argo dives into the water and finds six passages they could go down. They all choose a path and head down it. Snippers goes into the sixth one.

They all go down their respective corridors. At the end they find that all six led to the exact same room. A giant room with nothing in it. They’re all confused so they try leaving through different passages than they initially took but they just end up at the bottom of the sewers again. They switch passageways a couple more times but they’re just ending up in circles. 

Snippers starts gurgling.

“Fitz I have an idea. What if we go against the stream of the sewage? Then we’ll end up in the Iron Lord’s bathroom.”

Fitz translates and Rainer says “We can’t fit through the tiny sewage pipes” 

Snippers is forced to go the journey alone and crawls his way up the Iron Lord’s toilet. He’s happy but then starts hearing blaring sirens.

As Snippers hears the screeching alarms he knows what he must do. He sees a vent and before he can even try to reach it, there’s already (Fantasy!)lasers pointing at him. Using his training he dodges them and reaches the vent. As he’s wandering around looking for the security system panel he sees a meeting between the Iron Lord and Higglemas Wiggenstaff. He starts eavesdropping

Principal: “So how’s Leon doing?”

Iron: “He’s losing his mind. I told Buck that he had three days before I got rid of him”

Principal: “It’s too bad we had to do this. But Buck’s debt was reflecting badly in the school”

Iron: “My son is a bad influence on him. This is for the best”

The principal leaves. Snippers finds the (Fantasy!) security system panel and disables it for two hours. He then goes back down the toilet to return to Fitz and friends. He gargles that it’s safe to go in now so they start walking back to the mansion again.

Argo craves limes, but through the support of his friends he decides to stay strong and move along

His mindset: “So much water. Must eat limes to avoid scurvy. But Leon!”

They arrive back at the mansion again. Buck, no longer scared, runs and breaks down the door. There he sees the younger Wiggenstaff and his dad shaking hands. 

Iron Lord: “Son! You’re finally visiting me?”

Buck: “No dad! We’re here to rescue Leon.”

Iron: “Son, you imbecile. I hid him from you so you could get rid of your debt but instead you cause more debt my breaking my door”

The Iron Lord continues to be disappointed by his son.

Meanwhile everyone’s just wondering why Higgs got in on this conspiracy.

During this heartwarming reunion Higglemas is trying to escape unseen but Firbolg notices him and says “What are you doing here?” Snippers then explains the conversation he overheard and Buck’s mind is blown. “You two! I hate both of you now” Buck lights a match, ready to fight. But then Leon appears. 

Buck: “Leon! I’ve missed you.”

Leon: ....

“Leon?”

Leon punches Buck and everyone’s shocked.

Fitz puts his hand on Leon’s back. “Yup. Mind control.”

Rainer’s like “bro what” 

Nobody knows how to solve the mind control conundrum!

Now that it's been established that it’s mind control Buck tries attacking Higglemas but he’s too strong. So he does what he knows best. He lights a match. The young Wiggenstaff seems unfazed and the Iron Lord snuck about already. Argo gets scared and is like “No! That’s too far” So he takes a lime out of his pocket and squeezes lime juice into the old elf’s eyes. Nobody was expecting this and Leon looks like he’s not brainwashed anymore. They all rush out and return to school. Happy reunion. Buck has fully realized his quest to reunite with his best pal (and true love???? We’ll never know??? Oooooooo) 

Mission accomplished!!

As they all leave the mansion Higglemas, still clutching his eye, looks back and whispers “This isn’t over…”

;)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank u for enduring. You are very strong. You deserve a million cookies.
> 
> Here’s a cursed image of a theoretical cookie meal:
> 
> 🤡🍪┳━┳🍪🧐
> 
> You can also find us on Tumblr @ “https://you-told-me-to-buy-a-pony.tumblr.com/” :)


End file.
